


Vicious and Carved out of Stone

by caimani



Category: Set It Off (Band), Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Rebound Relationship, Unhappy Ending, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, dubious consent situation but it's not a big thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-05-20 13:49:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19377979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caimani/pseuds/caimani
Summary: It’s got to be a coincidence. Or like, the universe or God or something taking a shit on Cody. Just one look and already Cody’s lost in his mind. One look and he’s deep in the memories and the hurt and the pain that’s still so fresh.Awsten looksjust like him.





	Vicious and Carved out of Stone

**Author's Note:**

> this is my work for Angst Fest (Sponsored by Monster Energy), enjoy the hurt!!!!
> 
> ALSO: the main thing going on here is Cody getting in a relationship with someone who looks just like his asshole ex. it's not great, and Cody's reasons for doing so are questionable. the dubcon situation happens near the end, where you see a bunch of asterisks. it's not graphic, but I wanted to make sure to have a warning in place

It’s got to be a coincidence. Or like, the universe or God or something taking a shit on Cody. Just one look and already Cody’s lost in his mind. One look and he’s deep in the memories and the hurt and the pain that’s still so fresh.

Awsten looks _just like him_. 

Hell, he _sounds_ just like him. He’s got the same smile, the same nose, the same face shape. His eyes are different and his hair is definitely different, but it’s so… It’s like Cody’s staring across the table looking at Kyle, laughing at a joke one of Cody’s coworkers just said.

He feels a bit sick.

Cody doesn’t even know what he’s saying as he shoves away from the table and escapes to the bathroom. His world is blurring, so that probably means he’s crying again. And fuck that. He thought he was done crying over Kyle. He swore to Maxx and to Zach and to his own damn reflection in the mirror that he was done letting Kyle ruin his life. 

He collapses against the sink and looks at his reflection now. He’s not crying, but he looks like he’s about to. He grits his teeth and punches the sink.

The door to the bathroom opens and Cody straightens up immediately. It’s Matt: his coworker who brought “a friend” who turned out to be the uncannily spitting image of his asshole ex. Oh, and it’s the aforementioned carbon-copy of Kyle. Awsten. 

“Hey, you okay?” Matt says. 

Cody swallows and tries really hard not to look at Awsten. One part of him wants to break down and scream all the things he’s been wanting to say to Kyle, because this guy looks way too similar to not be him. Another part of him is on the verge of breaking down and crying hysterically about how he’s sorry, but Matt’s friend just so happens to look like the guy who Cody dated for almost a year, who he was head over heels for but who turned out to have been sleeping with other people for almost the entirety of their relationship.

Cody takes a shaky breath and leans his back against the wall of the bathroom. “Fine,” he manages. “Just. Too many people.” 

Matt looks apologetic. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Cody says. “I just, um. Need a minute.”

Matt nods. “I’ll head back to the table then,” he says. And then he leaves.

But Awsten doesn’t leave. He’s still in the bathroom, looking at Cody with a face that’s just way too similar to Kyle’s face. Cody can’t stop looking back. He’s half expecting Awsten to suddenly turn into Kyle and start teasing him or maybe come over and hold him and kiss— 

“Are you, like, high?” Awsten finally says. 

Cody chokes. “What?”

Awsten shrugs. “I don’t really care if you are. You just seem, I dunno. Panicky. I’m pretty sure there’s no cops back there, so—”

“No,” Cody says. “I’m not.” Maybe he should be high though. Something to consider for later tonight, or tomorrow. Go hang out at Maxx and Zach’s and get baked and tell them he’s seeing doppelgangers of his ex the one time his coworkers finally convinced him to go out and have some fun after work.

Yeah, no.

Awsten sighs and his face brightens up with an adorable little smile that might actually get Cody to start crying. It’s the smile that he used to wake up to. The smile that Kyle gave him on all their dates. The smile that made him fall in love so deeply and blindly that he didn’t realize what was really going on.

“Good,” Awsten says. “Cause, yeah, I’m not really into that. I think it’s funny, how it makes people, but… yeah, I’m not all that into that.”

“You’re not?” Cody repeats. “I mean, that’s great. Whatever makes you happy. I support that.”

Awsten looks happy at his response. He bites his lip and shuffles a little closer, almost as if he’s nervous. “So… besides not smoking weed at bars and running into bathrooms to escape people… what do _you_ do? Like…” his smile turns a bit coy and he gestures at Cody with his hands almost swallowed up by the sleeves of his sweater. “Do you go to the gym? You’re like… super hot.”

Oh. Cody’s brain stops for a moment, and then it goes into overdrive. Awsten is flirting with him. Awsten looks exactly like Kyle. Awsten is cute. Kyle was also extremely cute. This is terrible. Nothing good can come of this.

Cody goes home with Awsten’s number.

 

~~~  
_can we at least talk about this_  
_the whole ignoring me thing isnt going to help either of us_  
~~~

 

Awsten isn’t Kyle. 

Maybe a little part of Cody is hoping he’s an alternate reality version of Kyle who’s just as lovable and sweet as the Kyle that Cody met a year ago, but one who never cheated on him. 

But he’s not.

It’s not until their second date that Cody has that realization. Not until he’s sitting across from Awsten at Starbucks and Awsten can barely hold back his giggles as he’s telling a story about his friend’s dog. 

“And,” Awsten nearly doubles over laughing. “Wait a second, this is going to be really funny, you have no idea.”

Cody leans forward, smiling in anticipation.

Awsten is just as magnetic as Kyle, but where Kyle was a whirlwind of intense personality and charisma, Awsten has a charm and energy that’s just indescribably unique. Kyle was a guy who always felt too... _something_ to be true. Too good, too sexy, too funny. Too awful, in the end. 

Awsten is too weird to be real. Every time Cody talks to him or sees him, he feels so inexplicably drawn to him. The problem is, he’s not sure how much of it is due to the fact that he looks so much like Kyle— has so many mannerisms that are too close to Kyle’s— that he catches himself wondering if Awsten fucks just like Kyle too.

Awsten’s looking at him expectantly and Cody realizes he’s missed the punchline of the joke.

“Like… you know.” Awsten’s smile is falling. Cody feels like crap.

“I’m sorry,” Cody says quickly. “I just got lost in my thoughts for a moment.”

Awsten waves his hand like it’s not a big deal. “That’s fine,” he says. “But you owe me for ignoring a guy as cute as I am.”

Relief settles into Cody. He tries to ignore the little voice that’s pointing out how Kyle also used to do this. 

_‘Sorry I’m late, traffic was terrible.’_

_‘That’s fine. But how are you going to make it up to me?’_

“How about a kiss?”

Awsten blinks in surprise. At first, Cody’s not sure why. But then he realizes it’s because… that’s what he would say to Kyle. His face quickly grows hot.

“I mean— if you’re okay with it— I’m so sorry, if you wanted to take things slower—”

Awsten shrugs with a small laugh. “Uh… no, I guess it’s okay? You’re nice and… I can’t say I haven’t thought about what kissing you is like. But if you think a kiss is going to make up for the hurt I’m feeling right now at being ignored, then it’d better be a damn good kiss.”

Oh it will be. Cody gets up from his side of the table and walks around to sit right next to Awsten, their thighs touching. He gently puts a hand on the side of Awsten’s face. 

He leans close to Awsten, staring into Awsten’s mismatched eyes. He really is beautiful, in a way that’s so much… sweeter than Kyle. Almost more mysterious, but Cody doesn’t feel intimidated by Awsten in any way. 

His gaze drops down to Awsten’s lips. 

“Just so you know,” Awsten says in a soft tone. “I’m allergic to guys who don’t use chapstick.”

Cody laughs and inches closer. “Glad to know I won’t make you break out.”

His lips meet Awsten’s. Awsten’s lips are soft and taste like sweet cherries, as well as the coffee he’d been drinking. Cody’s eyes close and he tilts Awsten’s face so he can taste him deeper. Awsten’s hand comes up to linger over Cody’s as he kisses back. Awsten doesn’t kiss hard enough to bruise but his movements are firm enough to make Cody put more into the kiss. 

Cody catches himself before he starts biting at Awsten’s lips. He’s starting to feel out of breath, but he wants to impress Awsten. Just as it feels like Awsten’s going to break away, Cody pushes back against him, his free hand going to Awsten’s elbow to keep him close. Awsten actually gasps into his mouth and his hand clenches around Cody’s wrist. He’s not pushing him away; rather, he’s clinging onto Cody as he briefly loses control.

Cody slowly pulls away and opens his eyes. Awsten actually looks speechless.

“How was that?” Cody says.

Awsten’s face contorts as he tries not to smile. “It was alright. I’ll have to try it out again before I’m sure about it.”

Cody beams. “So we’re on for another date?”

Awsten rolls his eyes. “Yes, Cody Carson, I think I’d like to keep going out with you. But you know, this date we’re on right now is still happening. Don’t forget about me while you’re making plans for next time. And listen when I say something funny.” 

“Of course,” Cody says. He tries to lean in to kiss Awsten again, and Awsten allows it, but only for a second.

“Uh-uh,” he says, pushing Cody back. “This date is going to be more than just that. You can’t just make me forget all my plans with your sexy mouth.” His eyes go wide. “I mean—”

Cody falls off the chair laughing. “That was all you this time!”

 

~~~

_There is no “us” anymore_

_Don’t text me again_

_dont be like that_  
~~~

 

Cody isn’t expecting the third date to end with fucking Awsten like they’d both die without it. But that’s what happens. 

He can’t remember who’s to blame for the pair of them tumbling into Awsten’s apartment after they made out in front of his door for several long, heated minutes. Awsten’s grabbing at Cody’s clothes and Cody can’t let go of Awsten. They nearly trip over Awsten’s furniture, and Cody is about to give up on finding Awsten’s bedroom and just using the couch that he can see when he takes his eyes off Awsten for a split second.

“My bedroom’s—” Awsten cuts off as Cody shoves him against a wall to bite his neck and pull his legs up to wrap around his waist. “It’s right— fuck!” Cody bites down harder and grabs Awsten’s ass. God, he needs him so bad. 

Awsten grabs Cody’s face and forces him to tear his mouth away from his neck— leaving bruises that Awsten won’t be able to hide tomorrow. He claims Cody’s lips in a kiss that he dominates this time as Cody digs his fingers into Awsten’s ass and grinds his hips against Awsten’s cock. 

“You fucking— you need to get rid of those clothes,” Awsten gasps when their mouths break apart. 

“You first,” Cody growls into his neck, biting at the skin there again.

“If you fucking— the door right there. Is my bedroom.” Cody ignores where Awsten is pointing for a moment, too occupied with bruising up his neck some more and feeling Awsten grow harder against his hips. 

They make it to the bedroom a minute later, Cody throwing Kyle— no, _Awsten_ to the bed and only waiting long enough to tear off his shirt before he’s climbing on top to start helping Awsten lose his clothes. 

It’s not fast. 

It’s not sweet either.

It’s rough and desperate and they force themselves to keep going and going.

Awsten seems to love it though, asking for Cody to go harder and rougher. Cody bites him and holds him so tightly that he’s probably leaving hand-shaped bruises on his hips. He fucks into him so hard that the bed slams against the wall. Awsten clings to him every second, begging for more. 

And as Cody makes Awsten beg and scream and claw his nails against Cody’s back, he nearly says Kyle’s name. A second before he comes, he bites down on Awsten’s shoulder to keep it from escaping his lips.

 

~~~  
_what can I do to fix this_  
_hello? cody?_

_Drop dead_

~~~

 

Thankfully Matt and Awsten aren’t close enough friends that Awsten tells him about his sex life. However it’s easy enough to tell when Cody’s gotten laid just judging by his mood at work. Just about all of his coworkers have picked up on it, and it’s kind of embarrassing.

“It’s nice you’re doing better,” Carrie tells him one morning. 

Cody looks at her blankly for a moment and she smiles and her voice drops. 

“After… you know. You were pretty down for a few weeks.”

Cody groans and covers his face. He’s such an obvious wreck. No wonder his coworkers kept trying to convince him to hang out after work so much after the breakup. 

“I hope everything’s going well,” Carrie adds.

Cody just nods and says something noncommittal before escaping the conversation. 

The truth is, he’s not sure. Dating Awsten is great. Sex with Awsten is the best. But, while he can usually put Kyle out of his mind for at least half the dates he goes on with Awsten, all he sees when they’re in bed together is Kyle. Even though Awsten isn’t demanding in the way Kyle was, he looks so similar when he’s spread across the bed, or on his knees, or pressed up against whatever flat surface they’ve stumbled into when making out. And Cody forgets that he’s not fucking Kyle just long enough to _almost_ say his name.

Thankfully, he hasn’t said it yet, but it still leaves him feeling like a dick when he thinks of his ex every time he comes with Awsten’s hands or mouth on him. 

Work goes by well, and he messages Awsten during his break with a smile on his face that another coworker points out. He can’t help it. Awsten is funny, way more thoughtful than Cody originally expected, and incredibly smart as well. Cody likes him. 

His smile doesn’t go away until he gets a text from Zach. 

_Don’t forget, 7:30_  
_You can bring your new boyfriend if you want_

Cody texts back.

_I won’t forget_

_And I think he’s busy tonight_

He puts his phone away and tries to ignore the bad feeling growing in his stomach. Maxx and Zach were both furious when they found out what Kyle did. Cody’s pretty sure they both went over to his place to yell at him, going by the exasperated tweets Kyle had sent him a few days after the breakup.

But they had done so much to help Cody through all the pain and misery Kyle caused. Zach had dragged him out of his house. Maxx took him to the grocery store even though he couldn’t identify half the vegetables in the produce section. Zach and Maxx both helped with his laundry and threw out all the traces of Kyle in Cody’s place. They sat him down on their sofa and played video games until Cody was laughing and forgetting how much he hurt.

His phone buzzes again.

_Maxx has been wanting to meet him you know_  
_I do too but I get it if you’re trying to take things slow_  
_We care about you_

Cody sighs. The past couple times he’s been hanging out with Zach and Maxx, he’s only described Awsten’s interests and what they’ve done on their G-rated dates. He definitely hasn’t shown them any of the pictures he’s taken of him. 

His stomach fills with dread when he thinks about how, eventually, he’s going to have to bring Awsten to meet Maxx and Zach. God knows Awsten asks about his friends often enough and each time Cody has to try and describe them without making them sound so appealing that Awsten will ask why he hasn’t met them yet. 

There’s something about Awsten’s face when he’s asking nicely for something that Cody can’t refuse.

He doesn’t like thinking about how it’s mixed up with how he wishes that Kyle was that open with him when they were together.

 

~~~  
_baby I miss you so much_  
_can you give me another chance_

_No_

_Maybe you should have considered the fact that you’d lose me BEFORE you slept with everyone you saw_

~~~

 

Cody’s eyes are glued on the screen. He’s winning. He’s totally winning.

Maxx jabs him in the ribs and he shrieks, curling away from him.

He loses.

“I win!” Zach shouts, pumping his fist in the air.

“You fucking cheated,” Cody wheezes. “Getting your boyfriend to attack me isn’t fair play.”

“You could bring your boyfriend to help you out,” Maxx points out, shoving himself in the space between Cody and Zach so he can lean up and plant a kiss on Zach’s cheek. “Does he play video games?”

Cody deflates a bit. “No, not really,” he says. He doesn’t look away from the screen. This topic has been coming up more frequently. It’s been almost five weeks since he and Awsten started… dating… and he still hasn’t brought him to meet his best friends in the world. He’s some kind of a failure of a human being.

But he’s afraid of what’s going to happen.

“That’s cool, we can teach him,” Zach says lightly. 

“Or we can do something else that he’s interested in,” Maxx says.

Cody groans, leaning back. “Okay, okay, I get it. You want to meet him.”

“Yes!” both Maxx and Zach chorus at once.

“Seriously,” Maxx says. “You’re… happier. It’s nice. I wanna meet the guy who’s helping you out with that.”

“Me too. But I still wanna put that dickhead in the ER,” Zach mutters. “You know who.”

Cody smiles. “Thanks. But I’m over him now. Awsten’s all I think about now.”

It’s a lie.

Zach snorts and Maxx looks at him skeptically.

Cody huffs out a sigh. “Okay, yeah, I still think about him a lot. But way less than before, I swear. And, like—”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to— I know you don’t like talking about him,” Zach says, holding up his hands. He gets up off the sofa and reaches down to pull both Maxx and Cody up as well. “I think it’s time we get back to those beers you brought.”

“And the pizza,” Maxx says, suddenly rushing past them to the boxes stacked on the cluttered kitchen table.

“And the pizza,” Zach says fondly.

Cody follows them into the kitchen, breaking into laughter when Maxx steps on a newspaper on the floor and goes skidding straight into the refrigerator.

 

~~~  
_can you tell maxx and zach to stop sending me death threats_  
_seriously its been two months_  
~~~

 

Cody wakes up to Awsten poking him in the cheek. That’s another thing that sets him and Kyle apart. Kyle liked to sleep in, even when they didn’t tire each other out with sex the night before.

Awsten’s such a morning person that Cody almost wants to hate him for it.

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead!” Awsten says, waving something that smells heavenly underneath Cody’s nose. A muffin or something. “Breakfast!”

Cody reaches to grab it, but Awsten pulls it out of reach. 

“Uh-uh, you gotta get up first! If you get crumbs in my bed again, then I’m not blowing you later. Blowing Cody time will be replaced by Doing Laundry time.”

Cody gets up immediately. He throws on some of his clean clothes that he’s started keeping at Awsten’s place, since Awsten gets grossed out when he walks around in clothes from the night before. And Awsten’s personal taste in clothing is horrible.

“When can I expect Blowing Cody time?” Cody asks when he steps out of the bedroom. Fuck, it smells so good in here. He wants to bottle up all of the smells in Awsten’s apartment and take them with him everywhere.

“That depends,” Awsten says in a singsong voice. He’s in the kitchen, finishing up something on the stove. Cody looks at him and tries to put together a mental image of Awsten wearing an apron and nothing else. Kyle did that a few times. He always did it at night, though. He was a great cook; almost as good as Awsten...

“Cody?”

“Huh?” Cody is startled out of his memories. 

Awsten is smirking at him. “You gonna ask me what it depends on?”

Cody leans on the kitchen island and smirks back. “Awsten, how can I make Blowing Cody time happen sooner?”

“Nope, that’s not what I said,” Awsten says. He turns back around to finish cooking.

Cody rolls his eyes. “Okay, what does it depend on?”

“What nice things you do for me today,” Awsten answers.

Okay, Cody can do that. He comes around to stand behind Awsten and puts his arms around his waist. Then he presses a soft kiss against one of the countless bruises on Awsten’s neck. Awsten wiggles out of his arms.

“I know what you’re trying to do there,” Awsten says. “That’s cheating and will postpone Blowing Cody time to a day that’s not today.”

Cody pouts. 

“And doing _that_ does nothing. I said nice things, Cody! I want to be treated nice! Take me out somewhere! Come on, don’t make me do all the thinking in this—” His lips clamp shut and he quickly turns back to the breakfast food. “I’ll give you breakfast to think it over, but you’d better surprise me with something _nice_ right after.”

Cody takes his plate and sits down at the table with Awsten. He steals glances at Awsten throughout breakfast and winks at him whenever he catches Awsten looking too. Awsten makes silly faces back at him, almost making Cody choke on his food.

Cody stops the exchange when he realizes he used to do the same exact thing with Kyle. And how Kyle would make funny faces back.

It takes a few minutes to force his thoughts back onto planning something that would make Awsten really happy today.

 

~~~  
_ok yeah there were others but you were the only one that mattered to me_  
_you were mine. you were special_

_Way to make me feel like your favorite whore_

_Asshole_

_aw, baby, thats not what I meant_  
~~~

 

Movie dates are ridiculous, but Awsten likes them. Although to be more specific, he likes to attend matinees during the week when nobody else is in the theatre, so they can have the entire space to themselves. Sometimes he wants absolute silence and sometimes he wants to talk to Cody the entire time, depending on what they're watching. It’s one of the things that are so wonderfully unique about Awsten.

He’s got his arm around Awsten’s shoulders and they’re laughing as Cody repeats one of the dumb lines from the movie in a mocking voice. They don’t really have anything else to do for the day, so they’re just walking around enjoying themselves.

It’s a great day. 

It’s sunny, the weather is nice, and Awsten woke him up with a kiss instead of a poke in the stomach this morning.

So of course it’s at this moment that it happens.

“Cody?”

At first, Cody just thinks he’s imagining it. Or he’s hearing double. After all, Awsten sounds just like—

“Cody.”

But there’s no imagining the man standing a few feet away from him. There’s no mistaking him, even though it’s been almost two and a half months. Two and a half months during which Cody thought he was healing and moving on.

But he clearly wasn’t, because seeing Kyle standing there brings all of the hurt right back into his heart like a knife plunging into his chest. 

Kyle looks shocked, but his expression quickly morphs into a smile. Not his nice smile, but the rather cruel smile he used whenever he felt like he was winning at the expense of someone else. 

“Huh. You know, I figured I’d run into you again, Cody. Didn’t think it’d be like this though.”

“What?” The soft, hesitant question comes from Awsten. “Cody, what’s…”

Awsten. God. Fuck. Kyle can clearly see Awsten and he’s going to—

“Gotta admit, I didn’t think you were the type of guy to fuck your ex’s _twin brother_ to get back at him. What, did you think you’d make me jealous?” Kyle’s smile twists. “That’s cold. Guess you really _were_ angry with me.”

The knife in Cody’s chest feels like it’s been replaced by ice. Or a flood of fire. He can’t— _TWIN BROTHER?_ No. No, no, no, that can’t—

Someone’s shoving him and he nearly falls to the ground. No, not someone. Awsten. His face is a raw open wound of hurt and betrayal.

“You were with Kyle?” he gasps. “When?”

“Awsten,” Cody tries to say, but he feels like he can’t breathe.

Kyle laughs loudly. “Hey, Aws. I guess based on how you’re acting now, Cody didn’t tell you me and him dated. For a _year_. And then we split up and, okay it wasn’t ideal, but.” He laughs again and looks at Cody with venom in his eyes. “Cody, how long was it before you started fucking my twin? A month? Is that why you stopped being so harsh in your texts?”

Awsten covers his mouth with his hands as he starts backing away. Cody reaches out.

“Awsten, it’s not—”

“What,” Awsten says, his voice heavy with pain. “It’s not what it looks like? I know my brother. He—” he chokes up and shakes his head. “Don’t fucking come back to my place. If you want to fuck my brother so bad, then fuck him. Fuck _yourself_ , Cody. Don’t you fucking—”

He turns and runs. 

Cody’s about to run after him, but Kyle grabs him by the shoulder. Cody wants to punch him. He also really wants to disappear, or somehow get amnesia and forget all of this, or go to Zach and Maxx and unload everything so they can tell him he’s an idiot but in a way that he can handle.

Kyle shakes his head, still smirking. “If you can’t get over the breakup, you can always come back. We can talk it out. I can change, you know.”

Cody shoves him away. “Get the fuck away from me,” he hisses. “You’ve ruined—”

“ _I_ ruined?” Kyle interrupts, raising his eyebrows. “I don’t know, but Awsten might have a different opinion. Think about how this looks to him.”

Cody’s hands clench into fists. He doesn’t waste any more time with Kyle and goes running after Awsten.

 

~~~

_Was I not enough_

_baby you were everything to me_  
_you still are_

_Really_

_How many people were you fucking while we were together_

_You fucking bastard_

~~~

 

Awsten doesn’t let him in. 

Awsten doesn’t answer his texts or his calls.

Cody tells Zach and Maxx what happened. They come over and yell at him, which he expected, but they also sit down with him and hold him while he cries. Maxx takes Cody’s phone away after the tenth failed call to Awsten and probably uses it to text Kyle some choice words. Cody’s too tired to look at his phone when Maxx gives it back.

“I know you’re probably already beating yourself up over this,” Zach says as Cody’s staring at the ceiling with a feeling of emptiness in his chest. “But, they’re not exactly identical. The pictures. It’s reasonable that you didn’t think they were related.”

“But the whole reason I started seeing him was because he looked like him,” Cody says. Because saying it, over and over, never stops feeling like enough punishment. “That’s fucked up. Awsten’s got the right to hate me.”

“Yeah,” Maxx says. “But you liked him for him, right? You told us all about what he was like, and it wasn’t the same as the stuff you used to like about Kyle. He woke you up every morning and you put up with it.”

“That’s gotta be some serious love there,” Zach says. “Or, I don’t know. Feelings. You had some feelings for him, right?”

Cody would love nothing more than to sink into the ground. He’s the worst human being on the planet. Or maybe the second worst, after Kyle. Maybe they’re tied right now.

“I… maybe? Yes? I… Sometimes I was like, comparing him to Kyle, but… I think I liked him.” He groans and grabs one of the stupid decorative pillows he’d stolen from Awsten’s place and presses it against his face. It still smells like all the weird candles and essential oils from Awsten’s apartment, but the scent is faint. He can’t stand the thought of never smelling that mixture of Awsten-things again.

He can’t stand the thought of losing Awsten. Especially not because of Kyle.

“You should talk to him,” Maxx says. “Soon. Go over there. Be honest.”

“He’s not going to want to see me,” Cody says into the pillow.

“You have to try,” Zach says. “He’s worth it, right? It’s gonna be rough, but you need to explain things. You know what Kyle’s like, he’s probably telling Awsten all sorts of lies about you.”

That’s the thing that convinces Cody. He nods and agrees to go and see Awsten the next day. Maxx and Zach try to stay overnight, but Cody pushes them out sometime before midnight.

He doesn’t sleep a wink that night. He reads over his past conversations with Awsten a dozen times, and then reads over his recent conversations with Kyle to torment himself a little more. Kyle was right; he got way less harsh after he met Awsten. Cody goes through his pictures and feels even worse when he sees how happy Awsten looks in the pictures, even when he’s making some ridiculous face.

He can’t believe he’s done all of this to Awsten.

Cody keeps going through pictures until he ends up in the old locked albums of pictures with Kyle. He stops after two pictures and covers his face with Awsten’s decorative pillow again.

He can’t believe that he didn’t realize Awsten and Kyle were related.

The next morning, he’s startled out of an exhausted doze from someone knocking on his door. Cody leaps to his feet and races to answer it. It’s got to be Awsten— nobody else would be at his door at seven in the morning— and he’s still terrified to face him again, but at least he’s ready to talk.

He throws the door open without checking.

That’s a mistake.

Kyle steps inside and shuts the door before Cody can kick him out. Cody backs up a step.

“It’s been a while since I’ve been in here,” Kyle says, looking around like he’s a tourist or something. He doesn’t belong here. “Looks the same. That’s nice.”

“What are you doing here,” Cody says. 

Kyle crosses his arms defiantly. “Well, despite what you’ve been saying in your texts, I get the feeling you’re definitely not over me. Seeing you all cuddly and smiling with my twin gives me the impression—”

“I’m over you,” Cody spits back. “I don’t care about you anymore.”

“Oh, did Awsten crawl under your skin?” Kyle asks with a chuckle. “Worm his way into your heart with all his quirky little antics? He’s always been like that, throwing himself into relationships too quickly and getting his heart broken. I bet he didn’t even realize you were using him.”

Cody feels sick. Kyle’s right. 

“Unfortunately, I’ve heard enough about my brother’s… ugh… sex life, to know what he’s like.” Kyle’s grimace turns into a cruel smile. “I know I fuck better than him. You’ve fucked us both, what do you think?”

*****

“Get out of here,” Cody says. He reaches out to try and grab Kyle so he can kick him out, but Kyle moves faster. He grabs Cody’s wrists and shoves him up against the wall, rattling the art hanging on the wall.

“Do you miss it?” Kyle says. “Miss me? I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we split up. That’s why you were so drawn to Awsten, wasn’t it? Because he was close enough to me— but not quite. Did it feel wrong, the first time? Because he wasn’t—”

“No!” Cody yells, and tries to break free, but Kyle presses his body against his, grinding up in the way he always did to drive Cody insane. His fingers press into Cody’s wrists and he looks at Cody through his eyelashes. Fuck. No, no, no, he doesn’t want this right now. Kyle leans close, close enough that his lips brush against Cody’s.

Cody thinks that if Kyle tries to kiss him right now, he might actually be sick. This is wrong. This is terrible. This isn’t what he wants.

“You miss me,” Kyle says, still pressed against Cody. “You can still have me, Cody. You know where to find me.”

He lets Cody go, but not before reaching up and messing with his hair with a disgustingly fond smile. Cody shoves him out of his apartment with a glare. But as he’s about to close the door, he looks down to the ground below and his stomach drops.

*****

“Oh, hi Awsten!” Kyle says, waving.

 

~~~

_I hate you so much_

_thats fine_  
_we can work with that_  
~~~

 

Awsten doesn’t run away this time. He walks, slowly enough that Cody catches up with him easily.

“Awsten,” he says, out of breath from running to meet him. His hand goes out to touch him, but he freezes before doing so. He definitely doesn’t deserve to be touching Awsten right now.

Awsten turns around but doesn’t look at him. His hands are in his pockets and he’s slumped over. He looks like he hasn’t slept either, and that tears Cody apart on the inside. But he’s here. He came to Cody’s apartment, and that has to mean something.

“Awsten—”

“I—”

Cody shuts his mouth. He needs to let Awsten talk first. Awsten’s the one who’s hurting more. Zach and Maxx were very clear on the fact that he had to listen and acknowledge Awsten’s feelings before anything else. 

Awsten sighs, still looking at the ground. “He ruins everything for me. Kyle. When we were in high school, he ruined every relationship I had. Every guy or girl I dated, he’d always come in and steal them from me. Or worse.”

“I’m sorry.” Cody says. It feels pathetic, but it’s all he can say.

Awsten forces out a hollow laugh and shakes his head. “It’s just how he is. He’s not— he wants everything. And he takes everything. And… that’s just how he is. He’s a piece of shit. I don’t really blame you for wanting to—”

“I didn’t date you to hurt him,” Cody says. He has to make sure that Awsten knows that. It’s the thing that’s been eating him up inside. “I… I hate him, yeah, but… I liked him too. At least, I did once. And then with you… you’re nothing like him. You’re better. You’re amazing.”

Awsten doesn’t look appeased by that. He sinks lower into himself, and Cody’s heart twists inside his chest. “Surprisingly, that doesn’t really make me feel better,” Awsten says.

Cody doesn’t know what to do. It feels like Awsten’s about to shatter into a million pieces. Or maybe he’s already shattered, and there’s no putting him back together again.

Awsten looks up at him and a single tear slips down his cheek. He speaks in a voice that shakes. "He fucked my first boyfriend. A month into—” his breath catches, but he keeps going, “I was— that was my first— and he took that from me. At the time, I thought it was the worst thing he could ever do to me." He drops his head and rubs furiously at his eyes. "Didn't realize that would happen again so many times.” 

Cody remains still while Awsten struggles to contain the tears threatening to spill out.

“I thought—” Awsten says. “I thought by meeting you, that I was finally meeting someone he wasn't going to steal from me."

Cody aches to reach out and hug Awsten. To kiss away his pain and wipe the tears from his eyes. To do something.

But life doesn’t work like that. There’s some hurt that hugs and kisses can’t heal.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Cody says. “I’m sorry that I… that I used you. I… if you could give me another chance, I swear, I’ll—”

“Do you think,” Awsten says in a voice so quiet it’s almost a whisper. “Do you think you’ll ever be able to look at me and not think of my brother?” 

Cody is silent.

Awsten turns away from him and starts walking. 

 

~~~

_Open your fucking door_

_anytime you want me, baby_  
_I told you Im better than him ;)_

_Fuck you_

_anytime_  
~~~


End file.
